Driving Lessons for Adults

I can log up to three hours sitting in the driver’s seat per weekday commute. If I was doing the math, that’d surely add up to quite a bit of time holding a steering wheel. At the same time, I hate driving and have always grumbled about long commutes, moronic drivers and cracked roads.

In my not-very-expert opinion, my fellow drivers really need to get a handle on how to move their vehicles, and there are a few suspects in particular:

Left Lane Slugs:

I get it. You’re a careful driver. Congratulations! But driving below the speed limit is not actually, ya know, safe, nor is it okay to hold up the flow of traffic just because you don’t feel like moving over. See someone making out with your bumper? See a host of cars precariously passing you on the right? See a huge empty gap in front of your car with a line of cars behind you? These are typical signs that you need to shape up and speed up or get the heck over.

How to fix yourself: You put your blinker on, check the lane next to you, and once it’s clear, you slide over. Which brings me to my next driver…

Entitled No Blinker Junkies:

Oh, you’re just one car in a sea of traffic but you think you own the road? How unfortunate for you and every other car around you. This is even worse when you’re hovering next to my car so I have no idea that you’re about to flash in front of me and nearly broadside my little Civic in the process. If you flash your center finger upon a horn honk, you’re just the worst of the worst.

How to fix yourself: Use a blinker. And not .005 seconds before you fly in front of another large, heavy machine.

Bumper Buddies:

You do not actually need to be in my car. I am in my car and you should be in yours. Of course, when you’re driving on a two-lane highway and you’re in the right lane going the speed limit, it obviously is perfectly logical to have another car swerving on your tail and pulling itself to the right when *gasp* you come to a random stop. I need to see those headlights, kind sir.

How to fix yourself: Back off. But don’t become a slug, either. Safe distance. It’s all about the safe distance!

Shoulder Sleuths:

These are the daredevils who think it’s cute to bypass traffic by barreling down the shoulder until the shoulder ends or they find a “good” place to cut into the part of the road that’s meant to be frequented by vehicles. This is clearly stupid and should never be done. There is never a time that this is okay.

How to fix yourself: Do not drive on the shoulder.

Manic Mergers:

Merging is a pain. A major pain. You’d think the rule of “let one car in front of you when they are attempting to merge” would be understandable, but it’s horrific how often drivers will either a) not let a merger in or b) let all the mergers in front of them. And on the other hand, there’s the issue of manics merging out of the blue, sans blinker, and nearly hitting the car already hanging out in the driving lane.

How to fix yourself: Read a driving manual. Evidently you need a nice refresh.

Please share your driving pet peeves/commuter hell stories in the comments.

 

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